One thing you have to know about me is I LOVE movies. ALthough this will probably be just another one of those dreams that materialize and die, I do wish to be a director some day (or just to work in the film industry as a whole).
So this page will be dedicated to the movies I've seen and my reviews. If you disagree with any of them, then you are probably wrong. These are just my opinions.
Also, all of the ratings will be on a scale of 10 Jupiters (to get along with the theme of the background). 10 Jupiters is the best, 0 Jupiters is probably not even possible to get, but if somehow something gets it, it's a very, very, very, very, very bad movie. And so on and so forth.
Movies in alphabetical order, and the title will be red if the review contains spoilers.
Anaconda (2025)










Enjoyable. Not good, by any means, but definitely enjoyable i think!
I haven't seen the original so there were prolly jokes I didn't get but like I felt like I understood the whole very well.
Had some laughs... Had some scares... Fun had by all!
Battle Royale










Holy mid.
it was so... boring. I only pushed through because I thought it would get better and it did NOT.
The characters were unmemorable... everything was unrealistic... it was just so. mid.
I would not recommend watching this movie. Too boring. But it was the first movie I've seen that had an actual professional warning in the beginning (it was a warning for anyone under 15 years old) since it was from Japan and they have stricter regulations.
Yeah. Boring. Not really glad I watched that movie. Nothing really got taken away or added from that experience.
The Beastmaster









This is what people would call a bad movie.
This was not a good movie by any means. I don't really know what was going on, the acting was terrible, the characters were lacking, and it was overall pretty mid.
However, I could probably watch that movie like 13 more times without getting sick of it because it was soooo entertaining.
It's like Madagascar and Snatch; lots of things keep happening, so you can watch it over and over again. And I honestly might.
That being said, the best characters were the animals. Ruh was freaking tuff ash. I want a Ruh. And Kodo and Podo???
I'm actually gonna yap about them for a while because WHAT THE HELL. Kodo and Podo were actually the best characters, they were always together n doing dumb stuff, n then Kodo fell into the quicksand and Dar saved him!!! That was actually so sweet... BUT THEN KODO SACRIFICES HIMSELF FOR DAR????? Kodo deaduzz THREW HIMSELF AND MAAX INTO THE FIRE SO DAR COULD LIVE???? That was actually so sad I was PRAYING he was still alive. But then we see Podo at the end WITH LITTLE FERRET BABIES!!!!!! AWWWKIHSJHFKUEGJBEFUHDJH AWWWWWWWWWWHAWAQWAAWDAWWWWWW
Sorry. Bad movie. Would 100% watch again and would 100% recommend to a friend. Terrible.
Best in Show









This is EXACTLY like beastmaster to me. its not a good movie, but it is sooo entertaining
the good characters get good endings, the bad characters get bad endings, and overall its just really funny :P
okay thing i wish was changed was i lowk wanted a future where the bloodhound guy would win. I LOVED that guy and lowkey cheered for him more than the main characters
anyway, really entertaining, good length, would DEF recommend to a friend
Fight Club









I will make this review like a shit sandwich, w 2 good things around a bad thing
This movie is one of the prettiest movies i have EVER seen. The camerawork was wonderful, the directing was beautiful, the acting was terrific, the music was on point, the characters were wonderfully displayed, but my problem comes with the latter.
One of the things that makes a form of media is the characters, hence the only reason I enjoy It is for Richie, Eddie, and Stanley. now DO NOT COME AFTER ME, but i HATE the characters in this movie.
yeah, i get it, the main guy was bored and wanted an escape in the form of Tyler Durden. That's hella interesting. but (AND PLEASE DONT COME AFTER ME), i HATED tyler durden. idek why, but his army and his pranks were not cool, nor funny, nor any or all of the above. Also, Marla was mid. I LOVED her design, but her actual character was mid.
Like ik ts has had little bread and mostly shit but idc, i HATE tyler. if i were the main guy, whatever his name is, i would kill myself WAY before any of ts happened. FUCK tyler.
Anyway, to close with something nice, ik i said this before but idc, the movie was SO FUCKING PRETTY. i LOVED the colors, they reminded me of the poster effect on my digital camera and Saw. The music (which in movies idrc about) was SO GOOD. The beginning of the movie was AWESOME, the acting was INCREDIBLE, the violence was definitely violent but WHATEVER cuz it just MADE IT COOLER!!! the ENDING was pretty, the BEGINNING was pretty, and EVERYTHING IN THE MIDDLE was JUST as pretty. ts makes me NOT want to become a director just because of how much of a good job these guys did with this movie.
Inglourious Basterds









Don't come after me, but it was lowkey meh.
First off, I hated Eli Roth in this movie. "The Bear Jew" coulda been tuff ash but he was just sooooo annoying.
Also, I thought it was gonna be more like "The Adventures of the Inglourious Basterds", not "Soshanna's Big Plan". That part I think makes it the most meh. Eli Roth is a close second.
The best scene was definitely Aldo "speaking" Italian. Brad Pitt was hella good in that role. Hella funny.
It was entertaining, I'll give it that. Too long, I fear. Too... "meh".
It Chapter 2 (without spoilers)









First off, ts is NOT scary. The first movie wasn't really scary either but it was way more scary than ts. That being said, there are some good jumpscares but like not really and for the most part it's just treated as a comedy.
Second off, like I just said, that movie was HILARIOUS. It might just be me but I thought that almost every single joke HIT and overall it was SUCH a funny movie.
Okay well idk how much I should give away so im not even gonna mention any character's names.
Anyway, overall, the movie isn't a good horror movie but is lowkey hilarious. I LOVE the It characters and my faves just got more goated in this movie... That being said, the other characters were not goated. In fact, they became less goated. I would say it's a good 50-50 goatedness increase or decrease.
I have no idea how to say anything else without making anything obvious or spoiling everything so IN CONCLUSION if you liked the first movie you will probably like the second movie... but if you only liked it cuz it was scary then you're cooked. It might not be a good movie, but I definitely had a good time watching it.
It Chapter 2 (with spoilers)









Imma just say some bs so that the spoiler-less-wanting folk don't accidentally catch a whiff of ts but imma add the bs later cuz i lowkey need to yap.
Barbeque chiken alert. Barbeque chicken alert. BOOM barbequechickenalert! BARBEQUE CHICKEN AL-ERT. barbequechickenalert! BARBEQUE CHICKEN AL-ERT.
Okay I should start the review.
First off, what the fuck. Like, like, WHAT the fuck.
I was fine until Mike called Bill and Bill was like "Why do we remember everything this time?" because I read the book and in the book ALL of the Losers forget everything and I thought THAT was sad but honestly I don't know anymore.
it's fine for Mike, Bill, Ben, n Beverly cuz idk they just keep living their lives, like Mike finally leaves Derry and Bill finally can finish a book and Ben and Beverly are together now. Hurray! But... Richie?
FUCK THAT!!! His best friend/situationship/thing is DEAD and FUCK THAT!!! Because if they remember ts then ALL Richie is able to think about is the missed opportunities and his childhood and the memories of his best friend. He won't be able to admit ANYTHING and Eddie died unknowing of Richie's love for him and they won't be able to even be friends until they're old because EDDIES FUCKING DEADDDDDD FUCK THAT FUCK THAT FUCK THAT DIE DIE DIE DIE who made this movie im shooting him.
Also, STANLEY'S LETTER TO THE LOSERS????? FUCK. THAT. HOLYYYYY shit thats why i started crying last night.
He KILLED HIMSELF so that generations of children and his own friends would live. He had a wife and probably kids in the future and he had a comfortable life where he could be able to grow old and he LOST IT ALL JUST SO THAT OTHERS COULD LIVE!!!!!
HE KNEW THAT HE WAS SCARED AND HE KNEW THAT HE WOULDNT BE ABLE TO BEAT PENNYWISE SO HE KILLED HIMSELF SO THAT THE OTHERS COULD!!!! IF THAT ISNT GREATNESS THEN WHAT! THE FUCK! IS!!!!!!!!!!!
Bro Stanley was my goat and now he's my GOAT holy shit ts makes me want to convert to Judiasm holy crap
Lake Mungo









I was expecting a much more hype movie based on the ranks it gets other places... I fear that I was lowkey disappointed.
Definitely see why the rankings are high... If I went into the documentary knowing it wasn't fake, I might've fallen for it for like the first thirty seconds, but for the most part it was like "eh".
Idk. It just trailed off and some parts where lowkey boring BUT what I will say was that the ending was definitely very tuff.
I'm not sure I would say the ending is quite worth it, but I definitely thought it was really cool. Especially the VERY end, like intertwined with the credits was the part where I was like "ohh" but tbh even then i was lowk confused.
Would I recommend it? I don't even know. It's not a COMPLETE waste of your time, I guess. watch it if you want to say you watched it, but if you don't care that much then you don't really have to. It won't really change your life it you watch it or not.
Martyrs









This might be pretty biased since like the last time I saw this was in eighth grade on an illegal website so it might've been worse than the og version... Also idk if it was the unrated version or not but I remember it being SO GOOD.
The reason that it's not a 10 is because the last half of the movie is basically just torture porn. And not the Saw kind where they have an interesting version of somebody in pain, but just like straight-up people being force-fed and shaved and hit.
I also like it because there isnt any sexual assault, and it makes a point of that in the first, like, scene, but I feel like for the point of the movie it would make a little sense for it so have SA, but like I'm glad that it doesnt have it.
That being said, it should TOTALLY be included in those "scary movies without SA" compilations on tiktok because the scariest movies they have are Hereditory and like??? okay come on guys.
Anyway, I really liked this movie. It has a really good plot and I think that the first half of the movie is REALLY REALLY REALLY good and then it kinda fades out in the other half.
But also for the last scene, idk whether the lady died bc she wanted to experience death because now she knows what it is like or because she was scared of it and couldn't live with that knowledge. but idk that's just smth I've been thinking about.
The Outsiders









This is about the actual complete novel version, not the theatrical one.
Ts movie was lowkey hype! Near the end it kinda dragged a lot but overall a lot of things happened and I was thoroughly entertained.
Also, I read the book before and it was a while ago so I don't remember all of it but I do remember the movie was very similar to the book, if not almost the exact same, and I always appreciate that in movie adaptations of books.
The characters were good kinda. I feel like a lot of the characters were kinda the same and only a handful stuck out (personality-wise), like in the book Dally was like, crazy, and Johnny was shy and quiet. They kinda did that in the movie, but I feel like for the most part all of the characters kinda blended together.
If I didn't read the book, I wouldn't know who Steve is, or Two-bit, or really Darry or Sodapop. I feel like the author did a much better job at the personalities in the books than in the movies.
Also, this might just be a me thing, but the book was way more impactful than the movie. The end of the book had me up at night and when the movie ended I was just like "eh".
So in conclusion, you will have a better time if you read the book first and then the movie. Also, Dally was the most fine out of all of the other ones (my sister says Ponyboy... I fear she's wrong).
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